the one where i paid very close attention.

   

.::images: anatomical drawings by Leonardo Da Vinci::.

i was completely physically exhausted for a minute today. {it's funny how exhaustion comes in spurts for me, one minute i couldn't possibly move another muscle... but then i have to and the day goes on until the next time exhaustion sets in} back to today. i was beat, and the squirrels were busy doing something fun in the other room so i, rather  dramatically, let myself fall face first into the center of my bed and all of it's pillows and blankets. it felt like magic, and it felt like there was no possible way i could make my body move. not even a little bit. but my brain was still awake and saying to me "sarah, go clean up dinner. did you leave the oven open, sarah? hey you, it's only eight pm and your kids are still awake. get up!" and then, without trying or realizing i was doing it, i was paying very close attention to myself... and all in the very same instant my body said "i'm not budging!" and my brain said "i'm getting you up!" my whole self sort of twitched, a slight but noticeable twitch, and i was aware that my brain and body just had a disagreement.

my body won the dispute, but not without consequence. my heart was a bit fluttery and my limbs felt antsy, as if they were actually confused about what to do. i wasn't really relaxing anymore. so i got myself up and am feeling pretty amused by the whole thing.
it was weird. and sort of awesome.